John: So, are you going to the Behemoth show?
Patrick: Yeah, it's only twenty bucks. I guess I'm not eating, but hey, that's metal.
John: And with you out of the room, I won't be distracted as I study for British history tomorrow.
Patrick: You have the entire internet in front of you. Don't lie to me.
Well then.
I decided to search the tumblr tag for John Quinn.
I mean, it’s perfectly reasonable to do that, so I thought “Why the hell not?”
The results are terrible. I share a name with a character from the series of novels that True Blood is based on. Apparently he is a muscular were-tiger. So, of course, the main thing I realized was that as soon as the show throws that character in, infinite True Blood fan girls will begin associating me with a were-tiger.
Phenomenal.
Upon sharing this revelation with Patrick, he couldn’t help but laugh, as he remembered that John Quinn is the name of a Cinemax late night softcore porn director.
I shit you not.
Let’s take a look at some of his work, shall we?
From his IMDB page:

Forbidden Science: a softcore porn series set in the future in which people satisfy urges with androids.
Sexy Urban Legends: as opposed to normal ones.
Passion Cove: An erotic drama.

My good name is soiled by porn and True Blood. If I ever work in the entertainment industry, I will almost certainly have to include an S as my middle initial, which I admit is kinda cool, but ruins the flow of my name. Try saying John Quinn. Now try saying John S. Quinn. Which one’s easier?

